What did the monkey say...?

What did the monkey say to the real estate salesman?

“A lot of trees in the backyard.”? Oh here we go with the stereotyping. Perfect. Yeah I’m just a monkey and everyone knows monkeys love to swing from tree to tree going “Hoo Hoo Hee Hee Hah Hah.”  Excuse me? A banana tree?  
I’ll take it.”

What did the monkey say to the weather man?

"Well screw this! You said it will be raining today. I didn't know you meant water! And I just had my fur redone! I wanted bananas, not water. Time for the next country!"

What did the monkey say when he got stopped with a stolen truck full of bananas?

“I don’t know what happened officer. I thought I was back at my old job in El Salvador.”

What did the relationship counsler say to the monkey?

"What did she do? Steal your banana?"

*Monkey glares at the counsler for a couple moments, and then sighs*

"yeah"

councilor-“Well, still that’s no reason to put hair remover in her shampoo bottle. She looks like an alien now.”

What did the crane operator say to the monkey?
“No. You pull back to make it go up. Push forward to make it go down. Hey don’t worry you’ll get it. First day jitters. Come on. Time to go home.”

What did the monkey say to the zoologist?

"What did I do to deserve being behind bars with these airheads? Okay, fine, I confess, I did steal the bananas from the tree, but it didn't seem like anybody else was going to take them. And I thought they were free! My bad!"

What did the monkey say his boss the first day at work?
“ Look here I think we’ll get along better if you quit telling me what to do all the time. I got this job without your help so I can do it without your help. When is break?”

What did the monkey say to the ice cream man?
“Well,‘I bet’ you’re wrong. Actually I want chocolate. Just so you’ll know, monkeys eat bananas. They don’t eat banana everything. Can I get one large banana smoothie also, please?…
…What…Is there a problem?”