What did the monkey say...? - by Astral and Zotron

Feel free to write your own questions and answers, or add alternative answers.

What did the astronaut monkey say to Mission Control?

"Houston! We have a problem! My bananas are floating out into space!"

What did the monkey say to the waiter?

" I would like a Banana Split Ice Cream please. That is the only relevant thing on this menu"

What did the Monkey say to the teacher?

"F - !? Hey, just because I can read and write, that doesn't mean I'm good at math!"

What did the monkey say to 911?

"Yes, I have an emergency. All my bananas were taken, all I found were banana peel- oh wait, I ate them..." 

What did the Monkey say to the Banana?

"Mmmmmm. SWEET!"

What did the monkey say to the barber?

Bzzzzz. Time out.

Answer: "Thank ya. Thank ya very much."

What did the monkey say to the dentist?

Bzzzzz. Time out.

Answer: Oh, you mean that purple brush you gave me? I use that to scratch between my toes.

What did the monkey say to the mailman?

"Thank you for the rectangular piece of paper, I needed a belly scratcher anyways."

What did the monkey say to the Veterinarian?

"I bust my butt slipping on a banana peel and you think it's funny?!"

What did the monkey say to the train conductor?

"Your are going too fast! I am going to lose my fur!"

What did the monkey say to the fisherman?

Uh, well, no. Never tried 'em. I'm more of a vegetarian. You know, berries, roots, BANANAS!!!!

What did the monkey say to the clown?

"You might have me mixed up with someone else, I do not jump through hoops under the command of a tamer."

What did the Monkey say to the Tiger?

"Now, let's be reasonable about this."

"Before you go through with this, I slipped in some elephant dung back there."

"Hey look! A nice, big, juicy water buffalo."

"OK OK. How 'bout this? I mow your yard, wash your car AND wash the dishes."

"No, I say we should start out small. Do a few one-nighters in Scranton, make enough dough to get over to Philly, see? Then we get some new costumes. Not this cheap carny crap. I mean some Real costumes. Nah nah, Baby. Don't worry about it. We were the stars of their show. Who needs them? Hey, they need us now. But anyway, when we get to Scranton, Hey watch out for that bus."

" Hey, that's OK. First day jitters. OK, this time put the meat on the grill."




What did the monkey say to the zookeeper?

"I know what you're thinking, I did not steal the lion. He just wondered off on it's own!"

What did the monkey say to the President?

"And then when we get back from the elephant ride, we're going to the river to see some crocodiles. Hold on. This path gets rough here. Then you'll meet the Chief. Hey, what's in this pocket? Ooo Ooo pens! Can you grab that banana for me?"

What did the monkey say to the alligator?

"Hey! Did you, by any chance, see someone who is big, furry, has a tail and a pair of ears, looks kinda similar to me? I think he stole my banana from earlier."

What did the monkey say to the mouse?

"Really, can you just go away? I don't know what it is, I'm just afraid of mice."

What did the monkey say to the garbage man?

Edit: Feel free to write your own questions/answers, (as I have) or to add alternative answers to previous jokes.
Also, I think we should repeat the question in our answer post to save scrolling back for the question.


What did the monkey say to the garbage man?

"Well, yes, I do eat a lot of bananas. What's your point?"


What did the monkey say to the librarian?

"Just because I am a monkey, doesn't mean that I cannot read. But, on another subject, do you have any good recipe books? I am thinking of making a banana smoothie later!"

What did the monkey say to the Police Officer?