What did the monkey say...? - by Astral and Zotron

First topic message reminder :

Feel free to write your own questions and answers, or add alternative answers.

What did the astronaut monkey say to Mission Control?

"I'm sorry Officer. I thought the object was to see how fast I could go. Bye!!!"

What did the monkey say to the alien?

"Uhm...did you take my banana gun?"
OR
"Hey! Want to have a Spaceship race? The loser has to make the winner a bunch of Banana ice cream sundaes. What? You don't think I would actually "lose", did you?" 


What did the monkey say to the Choir?

"Do y'all know The Star-Spangled Banana?"

Or

"Why did y'all stop? I was just getting warmed up. Mi-Mi-Mi-Mi. OK... From the top... Uh 1 an' uh 2 an' uh...Hey, where's everybody going?... Can someone lower this microphone?... How 'bout a stool?..."

Or

"Well, just because you don't have a robe my size, that's no reason to not let me join. I can cut it off."

Or

"Oh, I thought the ad said 'swinging' auditions."


What did the monkey say to the burglar?

HAHA Those are some good ones.

"Hey dude! Get your paws off my bananas! They are for monkeys, not for mean men wearing black ski masks"

OR

"Just because I can swing from high branches, doesn't mean I am going to help you on your stealing heist."

What did the Monkey say to the bus driver?

THANKS
(The button wouldn't work)


"Take me to Sunset and Vine. That sounds like fun."

Or

"Well excuuuse me. I thought that's what these bars were for."

Or

"What? I smell like a zoo? How rude. Just shut up and drive. And step on it."

What did the monkey say to the preacher?

This thread is now open for anyone to contribute an individual joke as well as asking/answering questions.

A policeman was standing on the side of a street with a radar gun. He glanced at a car as it drove by and saw that a monkey was driving, steering with his feet. He jumped on his motorcycle and stopped the car. "What in the heck do you think you are doing steering with your feet?" he asked. The monkey, looking puzzled about being stopped, replied "How else can I peel my banana?"

Answer to "What did the monkey say to the preacher?" -

"Well, I didn't used to believe in God, but then I tried chocolate syrup on bananas."

This doesn't really fit in the "What did the monkey say to..." category, but it's monkey humor, and it's after the preacher joke, so...

Mark Twain said that the reason God created Man was because he wasn't totally amused with monkeys.

What did the monkey say to Dracula?
"Hey, wait up Smiley. I'm part werewolf on my father's side. Look! There's a bat on your shoulder!"

What did the monkey say to the parrot?
"Stop repeating me."

"Stop repeating me."

"Stop repeating me."

"Stop repeating me."

"Stop repeating me."

What did the Monkey say to the Mummy?

"Uh,... you might could walk easier if you unwrap your legs."

What did the monkey say to Frankenstein?

"I know that fire is bad but that doesn't mean you should lose your head over it"


What did the Monkey say to the Witch?

Hahaha.

"Pardon me Madam, but have you considered having that wart... HeeHawww HeeHawwww."

Or-
"Oh, no, it's not that I don't 'like' it, I'm just not a hot tea person... And I'm just not used to this flavor... Is it Japanese?"

Or-
"I'm sorry. I must have the wrong cottage. I was looking for the three bears."

Or-
"OK, I'm sorry about that 'Nice costume. Trick or Treat' thing. Now will you turn me back into a man?"

What did the monkey say to the ghost?

Answer to above. ^
"Weren't you supposed to knock on the door and say 'Trick or Treat' ?"

What did the monkey say to the Trick or Treaters?

"Sorry, I ate all the candy, but, you can have these bananas. Wait, on second thought, maybe we have some extra candy in the kitchen. I am not going to just give away my bananas. They are a monkey's favorite!" 

What did the monkey say to Frankenstein?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha (... ate all the candy... ")

" Didn't I see you in a movie? "

What did the monkey say to the computer?

"Think I just broke another one. All I wanted was to order a banana. Apparently telling the computer to order a banana is not how you do it"

What did the monkey say to the turkey?

"Gobble gobble"? Yep. That's the plan."

What did the monkey say to the librarian?

What did the girl monkey say to the hairdresser?

"Can  you just trim my toes please? I got some new sandals and some gold metalflake polish."

Previous question: What did the monkey say to the librarian?

What did the monkey say to his new boss?

"Excuse me. Nothing personal, but I really don't like people telling me how to do my job."